Saying Goodbye, Again

Tracy left the morning of April 25th. While we were ecstatic about his visit, for me every moment was bittersweet because I knew that it would end with this. He kept warning me that he needed me to stay tough ("You're not gonna get all weepy on me, are you?) so that he could...and I was doing alright for a while.

The airport allows family members to accompany their soliders to the gate, and I was the last in line going through security. When I got to the guard, she hugged me and told me how much she appreciated my sacrifice, and told me to be strong. That was more than I could take.

The attendants at the gate let Tracy linger after the other passengers had boarded, in order to give us a more private goodbye. It's funny how much the kids are like us: Tracy and Beanie were cracking jokes the whole time, while Pookie and I cried and cried. Finally, it was time for him to go. He started down the jetway and I just felt like the universe was being torn in two...I just needed one more embrace. When I tried to call out to him the first time, I was unable to speak, but I finally managed to croak out "Honey!" and he turned and came back for one last family hug. It was awful, so much harder than saying goodbye last fall. After he boarded, we watched the plane taxi away. The kids and I stayed in the airport for a long time, walking up and down the terminal, having snacks, enjoying being in the place where we were last with our beloved Daddy.