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The boys joined the girls at school for lunch afterward. What a great Daddy-kid day!

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Tracy and Bitty joined Pook on her field trip to Zilker Park today. Brrr! It is cold in Austin!

Finished Product

Here’s a picture of the finished “three monkeys” project. It is awesome, and each pose is uniquely suited to the child holding it. Good job Daddy!

Three Monkeys

Years ago – and I mean YEARS ago, back when we had one or more of a long line of roomies living with us, and hadn’t yet thought about becoming parents – Tracy bought a set of three wooden faces carved in the “hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil” style. They are small, with hooks underneath, and made for hanging on the wall. He had always intended to pair them with a set of three photographs. Who knew the cosmos would take that desire and respond by giving us three kiddos?

Today Tracy made his dream a reality. He even had the kids help him by staining the picture frames. The completed project is really cute, and it makes me smile every time I walk in the house. Thanks babe!

Beanie’s Snail

Beanie’s class has been learning about frogs, snails, reptiles, etc.  Recently, they took a trip to the Austin Nature Center, where they got to see several different types of reptiles and amphibians up close.  Beanie has really enjoyed this unit.  While she was playing in the back yard today, she came across a perfect snail specimen.  Most snails would (should) cringe at the thought of being carried around by an adventurous six year old, but this one embraced her good fortune!

A Match Made in…Austin!

I was a little surprised today when I got this text from Aunt Kim: “Marco proposed!”  When we introduced the two of them last summer, we weren’t really expecting them to do more than maybe go out a few times and then be friends.  As it turns out, “Uncle” Marco will eventually be legally deserving of that title!

Congratulations to Aunt Kim and Uncle Marco!

The Difficulties with Irish Twins

When the girls were younger, people often asked whether they were twins. I still get the question occasionally, but they are on different growth spurt schedules now, so their physical differences are more obvious. Anyway, my usual response is, "No, they are 53 weeks apart. Twins would be easier!" In fact, they are fraternal twins - successive eggs - just incubated and born separately instead of together.

As they get older, I become more and more aware of the fact that the world isn't really designed for siblings who are this close in age. Soccer teams, girl scout troops, and summer camps are damn near impossible for us because in most cases the girls can't be on the same team, in the same group, attend the same session. Without the flexibility of doing everything twice, we are somewhat limited. Back to School Night was no exception. The classes are broken up in two-year increments; last night was for the parents of 1st and 2nd grade students. Of course, I am a parent of both, so I started at the 2nd grade "all teacher" presentation in the auditorium, which made me late for the 1st grade presentation in Beanie's classroom. Then, twenty minutes later while her teacher was still going strong, I had to duck out in order to attend the last part of Pook's teacher's briefing. Granted, I am pretty sure that my attendance, or lack thereof, at these events doesn't really matter to anyone except my daughters (who made things for me to find on their desks), but still...

Next year will be even worse though, when I'll have to attend three separate nights in order to cover Kinder, 2nd and 3rd. Yikes!

The Force is With Us

Bitty had a melt down this morning. I was very upset with him. Later on, after we took the girls to school, got some coffee and a chocolate milk, and were driving to Lakeway, he asked, "Mommy, are you still disappointed at me? Do you still have a mad face at me?" After completing a quick silent virtual self-flaggellation (how could I ever have a mad face at him?), I calmy explained that how he behaves is up to him and that he can choose to act nicely or...not. He thought about it for a minute. Then he said, "Mommy. It wasn't me. It was my brain going over to the dark side that made me act that way!"

Adventures in Yogurt

This morning on the way to Miss Julie's, I was dismayed to hear this announcement from the back seat: "Mommy! The squeeze yogurt just splatted itself all over the car!"

Knowing that we do, in fact, have a "no yogurt" rule in the car, Egan promised to "just hold it" on the way to school. After apologizing profusely ("Mommy. I am so so vewy vewy vewy vewy sowwy. Are you mad mad mad at me?" Of course not, you precious angel!), he explained that he didn't squeeze it: "I twisted it really hard in the middle!"

Waiting...Again

Tracy left on Thursday for a two-week class in Wisconsin, followed by his final outprocessing in New Jersey. He should be home some time in mid-September. I feel bad because I don't think I communicated my feelings to him very well while he was here. I am too impatient to get on with life, to get back to normal...I know that he needs time to decompress from his experiences and to transition back into being a husband and father. I need to be more patient...soon this will all be behind us.

Oliver was very happy to see his Daddy too. Silly dog.

Love from Jason

Jason sent Tracy a surprise welcome home present - a beautiful Tacoma guitar! He had no idea it was coming and was totally shocked. It plays beautifully!

Back to School!

I can't help it, I love school. In July, I went all alone to Target and spent my lunch hour (and $75) buying school supplies for the kids. Armed with my supply lists and my very own freshly sharpened pencil, I waited patiently for my turn and handled scissors, erasers, notebooks, pencil boxes...

The first day of school is full of excitement, ripe with possibility. It speaks of the promise of autumn, even in the heat of a Texas August.

Tracy took the girls to school today. Even though Beanie has been looking forward to having Mrs. Little all summer, he said she still clung to his leg when the time came for him to go. Pookie, on the other hand, has talked all weekend about being nervous. Her teacher is new to us, not someone she had a chance to get to know last year, so her trepidation is understandable. Tracy said she cried when he got ready to go, but put on a brave face, squared her little shoulders, and went on.

Here's a picture of our two big girls on their first day of school.
When we picked them up, I asked each girl, in turn, how her day was. Pookie said her day was "wonderful!" Beanie said that "Michael and Mason didn't do their work today. They were looking at me all day!"

First Day of School

I am so excited that Tracy is here for the first day of school! He missed it last year and I was very sad. The girls love their school, and they love sharing it with us. I know it means a lot to them that he is here to meet their teachers and see their classrooms. School is their world at this age, and it is so important for us to be part of it. It's hard to believe they are this big!

Time with Daddy

The kids are really enjoying just hanging out with their Daddy. He does all the fun stuff that I am not so good at - wrestling, tickling, drawing...I love watching them play together!

Safe at Last

It's funny how hard it is to stop worrying about Tracy, even though I know he is safe. Last weekend, as I was driving back to Austin from leaving the kids at Gramma's and Grampa's, he called me. Since he got the news that he would be coming home earlier than expected, our phone conversations have always started the same way: "Where are you?" More than once, his answer was "Qatar"; they were stuck waiting on a flight home there for several days. But this time, the answer was very different. "Baltimore!" he said. Baltimore? Maryland? USA? What?

By the time I got home that night, he was asking me to fly out and meet him in Philly. How could I resist? I was only there for about 18 hours, but seeing him, being able to touch him and know that he was whole, was worth the expense and hassle of a last-minute trip.

After outprocessing at Ft. Dix for a few days, Tracy was able to come to Austin for a short visit. I totally dropped the ball on the welcome wagon for this one. Flights were delayed in Baltimore, which meant Tracy spent hours and hours in Nashville, waiting for a flight. He finally got to Austin about 3 am. I had fallen asleep on the couch and somehow silenced my 2 am alarm...the kids and I made it to the airport though, scooped him up, and brought him home. We all got to sleep about 5, and after resting for a while, celebrated Daddy's safe return with brunch at (where else?) Maudie's!

Welcome home sweetheart!

Meet the Teacher

Tonight we went to Patton for Meet the Teacher night. Gramma is here to go with us again this year. It's always fun, and I think it helps calm the first-day jitters a little bit. Beanie was thrilled to see her name on Mrs. Little's class list! Pookie was not so excited to see hers, listed under Mrs. Forrester. I don't think she knows this teacher, or at least doesn't know her well. But she seems nice and I'm sure they will get along fine. Thanks Gramma for coming with us!

Hopeful

I feel a little bit like the time traveler's wife these days. I know that Tracy's time in Afghanistan is drawing to a close, and I know that he is thinking about me as much as I am thinking about him. It's as though, if I close my eyes and don't move, I can feel his presence so strongly that I almost expect him to appear...I can almost feel his hand against my back...it is overwhelming, sensing him so near to me, but knowing that he is so far away.

There is no doubt that the past year has taken a toll on both of us, though in different ways. I am starting to feel a little out of control, strung a little too tightly. I think it's just the fact that I know it will all be over soon. All the emotion that I haven't been able to express - the fear, the loneliness, the worry - everything that I have had to hold back just to make it through each day - that dam won't hold forever, and the cracks are starting to show.

I just can't wait to have my family back, and the love of my life beside me again; he's been there in my heart all along.

Bats at the Bridge!

This evening, I took the kids to see the bats. It's unusual for me to do something like this by myself, especially after working all day, but I realized that we don't have many free summer nights left, so we just packed up and took off. They really enjoyed it.

First of all, there was a girl in the park playing an accordion and singing Russian gypsy songs...Beanie was immediately fascinated and kept talking about the "pushy piano thing". She was thrilled when I gave her a dollar to toss in the girl's case!

After we walked under the bridge and watched the bats fall away right over our heads, they wanted to go up. So up we went. They were just amazed by the people and it was obvious that being on the bridge made the girls feel all grown up. They sauntered along behind me, playing a game, carrying on an entire conversation as if they'd just me. It was too funny! I, of course, was panicked at the thought that one of them might step off onto Congress Ave. the whole time. Beanie kept gravitating to the street side of the sidewalk. At one point, I explained graphically that "if you don't listen to Momma, you are gonna fall off the bridge onto the street and be smashed by a car. And I will have to stand here and watch you die." After a minute, Bitty said, "But Momma, wouldn't you try to save us?" {choke} I replied that of course I would, at which point I would also be killed, and then a whole conversation ensued about what life would be like for two girls and Daddy without Bitty and me. Pookie said, "I'm not gonna like the new mommy and brother that Daddy gets!"

I was a little awed by the realization that they actually cannot comprehend a life that doesn't include everyone who is currently in our little family...a little awed and very thankful.

Here are some pictures of our batty adventure. The bat pics aren't great, as I forgot to change the settings on the camera before snapping them. Maybe next time!

DHS Class of '89; 20 Years On

Because I still can't say no to Thais after all these years, over the weekend I attended my 20-year high school reunion. Actually, if I hadn't already been going to Oklahoma to pick up the kids, I might have said no. But the odds are probably against it.

Thanks largely to our own shared sense of "dramedy" and the well-stocked cash bar, we had a great time! There were so many people who either never spoke to me in high school or who weren't speaking to me by the time we graduated who just acted as if we'd been best friends from day one...it was really quite bizarre! The thing I was most surprised by was the fact that the men were generally harder to identify than the women. I'd recommend first names only, and much bolder name tags next time.

I have to admit that it was a nice ego boost to walk in, 20 years and three kids later, and look much the same as I did back then. It feels pretty good to have achieved that.

I do wish Tracy had been there. Many of the people I saw are on facebook and so they know that he is in Afghanistan. Almost all of them asked me to thank him for his service, which was very touching. I would have enjoyed proudly introducing him.

Here's a picture of Thais and me at the hotel before the reception, and another of us with some old Drill Team buddies. Sparkle!

Independence Day 2009

This is our 2nd July 4th to spend without Tracy...last year he was on active duty for training. He has been gone from home, with the exception of a couple weeks here and there, for over a year now. Lakeway is a very patriotic community and they go all out for the 4th. While I appreciate the sentiment, and the sacrifices of the many who have served (and their families), it is hard to be there without him. We are so proud of you honey, and we can't wait to welcome you home for good. Happy Independence Day!

Easy Explanation

Lately, thanks to Beanie's "Window on Weather" book, Bitty has been fascinated with storms. In the car, he will say, "Mommy. Let's talk about funder and lightneen!"

Today, we were talking about tornadoes and "what they will do to you." Suddenly, he said, "That's what happened to Grampa! That's how he got old. The tornado sucked him up and it puffed him out and gave him bumps. That's how Grampa got old."

It wasn't actually a tornado that made Grampa old, but Bitty certainly has the right idea!

Poetry

I have written poetry almost all my life, literally since I was 5 or 6 years old. I rarely share it; much of it lately would be categorized as erotica. Some day perhaps I'll publish a book of poems. For whatever reason, I feel motivated to share this poem. I wrote it in February; the motivation is obvious.

I have always believed in being prepared, and for me that means imagining myself in various situations, no matter how terrifying or undesirable they may be. Many people prefer to just not think about the possible negative outcomes to a given situation. I understand that, and I certainly don't advocate dwelling on the negative. I am a happy, optimistic person by nature. But - you don't buy a fire extinguisher because you plan to use it, do you? The same holds true for equipping myself emotionally with tools that I hope I never need.

Funeral Song

I would mourn you
sackcloth and ashes
keening women
black-draped mirrors

I would mourn you
helpless hopeless uncontrolled
black hats with veils
gin and tonics

I would mourn you
facebook blackout
binary wail
inconsolable

I would mourn you
yet I love you still

Saying Goodbye, Again

Tracy left the morning of April 25th. While we were ecstatic about his visit, for me every moment was bittersweet because I knew that it would end with this. He kept warning me that he needed me to stay tough ("You're not gonna get all weepy on me, are you?) so that he could...and I was doing alright for a while.

The airport allows family members to accompany their soliders to the gate, and I was the last in line going through security. When I got to the guard, she hugged me and told me how much she appreciated my sacrifice, and told me to be strong. That was more than I could take.

The attendants at the gate let Tracy linger after the other passengers had boarded, in order to give us a more private goodbye. It's funny how much the kids are like us: Tracy and Beanie were cracking jokes the whole time, while Pookie and I cried and cried. Finally, it was time for him to go. He started down the jetway and I just felt like the universe was being torn in two...I just needed one more embrace. When I tried to call out to him the first time, I was unable to speak, but I finally managed to croak out "Honey!" and he turned and came back for one last family hug. It was awful, so much harder than saying goodbye last fall. After he boarded, we watched the plane taxi away. The kids and I stayed in the airport for a long time, walking up and down the terminal, having snacks, enjoying being in the place where we were last with our beloved Daddy.

Pookie is 7!!

Pookie was so incredibly happy to have Tracy home for her birthday! We celebrated with Gramma and Grampa at Maudie's with Pook's and her daddy's favorite dessert, tiramisu-cum-birthday cake. Happy Birthday Pook!

Daredevil Bean

We temporarily relocated the swing to accommodate the trampoline...Beanie pulled the slide over, climbed up, and started swinging!

Happy Early Birthday!

When we got home from the beach, the kiddos were super excited to discover that Aunt Kim's birthday present had arrived while we were gone. Yea!! Here's a pic of Pook with their friend Ava, hanging out on the new trampoline!

Beach Pictures III

Pook wanted to bring her jacket every time we went to play in the water.

Tracy snapped a perfect pic of three kids at the beach.

Coming up the trail for the last time.

Beach Pictures II

The weather was overcast nearly the whole time we were at the beach. It worked out well though, because Tracy and I were both sick and the cloudy skies made for good lounging weather. On our last full day, we went in to Port Isabel to show the kids the lighthouse. It turned out that there was a little festival in the square, so after climbing to the top, we stayed around for a little while, relaxing in the shade and listening to a local band while the kids played. Here is a picture of Beanie climbing to the top level inside the lighthouse, and another of Bitty running down the hill. He had a great time doing this!

Beach Pictures I

This group includes pics of Daddy and the kids on the beach, watching zombie movies, the sea slug and Daddy returning it to the ocean, and then one of me with the kids.

PB&B at South Padre Island

One of the highlights of Tracy's trip home was our family mini-vacation to South Padre Island. When we realized that he was actually going to get to come home on leave, we decided that we wanted to do something together as a family that the kids would always remember. They had been asking to go to the beach for several months, so we took advantage of our time together to take them on their very first beach trip. We rented a first floor, beach-front condo in SPI and, in spite of the fact that we we re both sick and the weather was overcast and rainy, we had a great time! We were all were so excited about going that, upon arriving near midnight, we marched right through the condo, down the path and into the water!

The kids were absolutely overjoyed to hear, smell, and taste the ocean. We spent a lot of time sitting on the beach watching them chase and be chased by the waves, and picked up hundreds of shells. One morning we even picked up a sea slug! I showed it to the girls, and immediately cautioned them not to touch it, as I wasn't sure of its stinging ability. Before I finished the sentence, I realized that Beanie already had her hand on it and was replying "It won't hurt me Momma!" She scooped it up into her sandpail and we brought it home to show Daddy and Bitty, who were sleeping in. We did have one sunny afternoon, and took a short trip back to Port Isabel to tour the lighthouse and check out a local festival. Most of all, we enjoyed lounging around the condo, watching movies, and playing together as a family. Here are some pictures from our beach adventure.

At the Treehouse

Tracy surprised me for our 14th anniversary this year with a trip to Cypress Valley, west of Austin, for a zipline canopy tour and a night in the "treehouse" - a beautiful screened-in structure on a platform 40+ feet above the creekbed in the canopy. It was incredible!

A few good friends joined us and we were all shocked when our guides began the safety briefing in Spanish. Being one of the least capable Spanish-speakers and far and away the most nervous participant, I was quite worried. I was able to interpret every third or fifth word, and thankfully Darrel was there to translate the rest. Through the entire briefing, I kept thinking, "this can't be safe!" Finally they admitted to the joke, and had a good laugh at our expense. It was actually quite impressive; their Spanish was flawless as they were native speakers, and they were straight-faced the entire time. I can only imagine how often - and with what flourish - they tell this story!

The tour itself was breathtaking. The course follows a creekbed through the canyon and includes some long, fast segments along with breathtaking scenery. When there is water in the creek, you are able to end with a zip into the small reservoir, but, needless to say, that was not the case on our trip. Once you've completed the course, you can go to the challenge course. This part features 12 or so different crossings, ranging from typical rope bridges to the "flea hop" and the flying leap. I tried a couple of these, but I have a hard time trusting my equipment 40 feet off the ground, so I wasn't as brave as I wanted to be. Most of our group did them all, and we ended with a "superman" style face-first zip to the last station. Admittedly, it was a little tough to exit the platform that way! You just lean out over the edge until your weight shifts and you start to glide. But you can't help expecting to fall, so it's a bit tense for a minute! It was a great end to the course though.

We joined our friends for some snacks and a couple drinks, then returned to the treehouse in time to enjoy the fading light as the sun set. The sounds of all the different animals, along with a trickling waterfall and the wind in the trees, really made us feel as though we had left the world behind. It was an amazing place, and gave us a great opportunity to reconnect and enjoy each other.

Thanks to Darrel, Marco, Amy and Paul for joining us, thanks to Natasha, Patrick, Marco and Amy for babysitting, and thanks to you, honey, for arranging all of this. I can't wait to do it all again!

Ladybugs Field Trip

Today will undeniably be the highlight of Pook's first grade year . As if the surprise of having Daddy home isn't enough, today we both accompanied her class on their field trip to the Texas State Museum. The Museum houses an impressive collection of a variety of objects, all of which are somehow related to Texas, ranging from dinosaur fossils (and a WORKING paleontologist!) to geologic specimens (you can look up your neighborhood and find local samples) to flora and fauna to a gigantic model of HIV. It is housed on the UT campus and, amazingly, admission is free. We had a great time wandering around and then picnicking out front!

Happy Easter!

Having Tracy home early meant we got to spend some extra time together unexpectedly. The kids and I were off for Good Friday, so we lazed about as a family! On Saturday, we went to visit DeLynn, Granna, Aunt Robynn, Cousin Jaci, and Uncle Bubba. DeLynn and Granna knew we were coming, but they didn't know he was home yet. It was a great surprise! The kids enjoyed dyeing Easter eggs and Granna helped out. On Sunday, they were excited to find that the Easter Bunny had visited overnight and left baskets of goodies to help celebrate Spring and the Equinox. Happy Easter!

Tracy entertaining us

Dyeing eggs

Yum...chocolate!

Homecoming I

After dropping Egan off at Miss Julie's this morning, I cried all the way to the airport.

Tracy and I are not just husband and wife. We are partners, lovers, best friends...we are "the whole package" to each other. Living without him has made my day-to-day life incredibly stressful. It isn't that there is so much to do, or that the children behave badly, or anything like that. It's just that, for 14 years I have shared every detail of my life with him. For 14 years he has made me laugh and has been there to hold me when I cry. I have always been "the strong one" in my family, but that is easy to do because he is my rock. To have to live life every day without him - to listen to my complaints about work, to go grocery shopping with, to play with the kids, to snuggle against on the couch, to do everything with - has been a very difficult and solitary burden.

Picking up the kids was incredible! We walked out to the playground at Miss Julie's and Leslee was videoing the whole thing! Egan took one look toward us and came running over, head down, very determined, totally quiet. He jumped into Tracy's arms without saying a word and just hugged him hard. Then he put his little hands on each of Tracy's cheeks, kissed him, and smiled. We were all crying by then!

The girls were at after-school care in the gym. We walked in and Beanie spotted us first. She screamed "Daddy!" and came running toward us at top speed. Pook was a little skeptical, I think. Beanie had already jumped into Tracy's arms by the time she realized what was happening and she was wide-eyed in disbelief. She started walking toward us, then picked up speed and came running. By the time she got to us she was already crying. :)

We celebrated Daddy's return with dinner at Maudie's (of course!), followed by a well-deserved nap. Welcome home sweetheart!

All together again!

Beanie napping with Daddy

He's Coming!

Oh. My. God.

My friend was right! Tracy just called me from the airport in Germany! He is about to board a flight to Dallas and he should land in Austin tomorrow morning about 10:30. AAAAHHHHH!

I can't decide whether to scream or cry! I am totally unprepared for his arrival - house is a wreck (blue tape is still up from when we painted last month!), need a haircut, need groceries...but oh my goodness I absolutely can't wait to see him, to smell him, to touch him, to hear his voice in person...

I can't wait!

Waiting Impatiently

Tracy told me he was scheduled to leave his FOB on Tuesday (yesterday) and he is supposed to be home sometime Monday. I haven't heard from him since Sunday...I am about to go crazy! I just can't help but imagine that something has gone wrong and he wasn't able to get away...he won't get to come home...the not knowing is MADDENING! The worst part is that I haven't told the kids he's coming, just in case, so I can't even share with them why I am so distracted and bothered. My friend at work suggested that maybe Tracy is going to be home early and is trying to surprise me...that would be awesome, but I just can't imagine that happening in the Army world. Just a few more days...

Rockstar!

Today, Pookie went to her first birthday party. The party was at a store called Justice, which caters to ages 5-11 and is full of just the kind of crap I refuse to buy for her: makeup in packages diguised as ipods and cell phones, glitzy stuffed animals, stage-wear for children. Had I realized what the purpose of this party was, I would almost certainly have declined to allow her to attend. But, I naively did not, and so attend she did.

They made the girls over into rockstars. When I came to pick her up at the sandwich shop next door, where they'd gone for cupcakes, she was sitting at the counter (bar?) sipping a diet coke. Really! She has never had a diet anything in her life and has only ever had her own coke once! I was appalled. Check out our little superstar!

Birthday Crafts

Pook and Bean wanted to make purses as birthday presents for some of their friends. They picked out the various components and then I glued them on. We are really happy with the way they turned out!